Puffy Eyes Day 4 of chemo was my rough one again. I didn't write anything yesterday, but I did get myself up and ready for my nurse to draw blood. She said I'm doing great compared to her other patients... but she also agreed with me that my eyes looked puffy. It's hard enough when you feel like you're made of lead, but add no hair and puffy eyes and it's hard to be cheery. Hollywood But I had the best surprise in the mail on Day 3! Heidi sent me a fun head covering! I've been watching some wonderful old classics with Joan Crawford and other glam stars. I've been admiring their creative headwear! And when I opened the package and found this wonderful, comfy head covering, I was so delighted and touched! It even had a little sparkle in the material! So, before I was dragged down to my most sluggish low of the day, I snapped a pic for Heidi! I grabbed the earrings off Betty-Lou, the wig stand. I swiped the fur piece and glasses from the dress-up box. (Yes, I have one) And my photo op for Heidi, gave me a laugh and a lift... before hitting the couch!
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Well, I sort of do, because who doesn't like a boost of energy? But my 3 day meds for anti-nausea have steroids and the meds are messing with my sleep! The first night after Chemo #2, I was awake at 3 and up at 4, watching a 1930's Sonja Henie movie. I thought her skating moves would lull me to sleep, but no.
So yesterday, I did fine with a few hours of sleep because my steroids were keeping me going. (Or am I just imagining this?) After dinner, I wanted to go to bed early and get caught up, but Jerry Lewis was on TCM and he was going from Buck-toothed Goof-ball to Obnoxious Suave Guy in "The Absent Minded Professor." This movie used to crack me up as a kid and I was glued until after 10. I was amused, but I was also determined to figure out who the "suave guy" reminded me of. It finally dawned on me that there was a little Donald Trump going on. I'm serious, it was an odd thing to watch! So by the time I crawled in bed, I was wound up by Jerry. I did take the sleep med, my doc gave me, but still had patchy sleep. Awake an hour, asleep an hour... I woke, ready to do a little weeding, then swimming and then I soaked in the tub like a diva. I am wearing a bandana today and no make-up. I feel fine, but I won't be answering my door! Who Wears it Better? By Tuesday, I had experienced 5 days of life with no hair. But I just wasn't able to make myself walk out the door in this wig. In fact, I was getting downright jealous of my decorated wig stand, Betty-Lou. She was rockin' the wig, so much better than me! I couldn't get it on right. It was too poofy. It felt like it was going to blow off. And I felt like a Dallas Housewife. Except maybe the wig needed more volume to pull that off. So after I returned from chemo yesterday, I called Anita, at Salon Prive and she'd had a cancelation. She was the recommended stylist who can work wig miracles, when it's right on your head. So, I tossed that wig on and put on big sunglasses to hide. I told Don to wish me luck that I didn't arrive and find a stylist with big poofy Texas hair. Whew! Anita's purple hair could have worried some, but I loved it. She was confident and swift as she thinned and trimmed. (I'd been told she worked like Edward Scissorhands!) She didn't take too much off... because it obviously won't grow back. But I can go for another trim later, if I want. Mostly I loved her relaxed, yet no nonsense approach. She loved seeing the photos on my cell, of Don cutting my hair... as well as my snazzy wig stand photo. My expression looks goofy, but I felt more at home in my wig, when we finished. I had a few bangs, that will be a comfort when/if I lose eyebrows and lashes. She even trimmed up my half wig that goes under hats. And best of all, I can return as my hair starts to grow back. Anita is not just a wig stylist, most of her clients have hair. She also has lots of tricks for helping with new hair growth and finding flattering short hair cuts that will work. Whew, one more thing to check off my list!
Chemo #2 In preparation for my second round of chemo, Don once again picked a fun shirt. It's his way of making the atmosphere cheerier. Last time he chose a southwestern tee that for some reason makes me laugh and this time he announced he was wearing his hula shirt from Goodwill. (Look closely at the bottom half) I must have been feeling peppy because of the steroids in my anti-nausea meds, because I suddenly found myself grabbing a lei and my flowered cap and my Hawaiian shawl before we left the house. The staff and nurses thought we were pretty festive and we got quite a few compliments. "I don't think we've ever had anyone come in themed clothes for chemo!" Keeping it Quiet But by the time we made it into the chemo room, we were glad we'd left our ukuleles at home. The patients around me were not having a good time. One woman was having a bad reaction and was being moved to a hospital room. Others were sleeping. We had to keep it quiet and save the partying for home. We did quietly fill out a Mad-Lib page with "Chemo Room" themed words. Thought about leaving the sheet for the nurses to enjoy. But they were busy and might not have appreciated it. Surprise Photo Don left to get us some snacks and when he returned he had to snap this photo to show me just what I looked like. I had no idea I looked that crazy. But it was cold and I had to cover with that shawl or skirt or whatever it is! We were only there 4 hours today... only 2 hours were for chemo. Once again, I left feeling relieved that I'd had no issues or discomfort like so many of the others. I wish I could have shared some of my luck. I so hope my luck continues.
Entertaining Myself Even as a kid I was comfortable entertaining myself with my own silly projects and activities. I still like my alone time, going from one project to the next. I'm more introvert than extrovert, even if I throw a lot of personal stuff out there, in the blog world. So I am a perfect candidate for being a hermit, for the next few bald months. I am not feeling a bit comfortable with my wig or any of my head coverings, to face the world! So I was honest when we got a dinner invite, for my second day of bald. "I'm not brave enough, yet..." I answered. But CJ gently reminded me that their family had no worries about my hair and it was just dinner at the house... So I said yes. I tried not to fret over what to put on my head. I ended up wearing my half wig and a hat. And of course the kids didn't care. They were mostly excited about me bringing "Little Bear". Little Bear got rides in the Barbie car and the remote control cars! And Don and I had a wonderful break with some great grilled burgers and adult conversation as well! Mostly I got some kid hugs! I've been missing the kids I volunteer with and my relative kiddos who live far away.
This little trio gave both Don and me a good dose of hugs to last us last us a while! I can't thank their parents enough! Chemo 2 starts tomorrow and this was the boost I needed to get me out there! My first hairless day (Saturday) started off pretty well. My swim lifted my spirits and it was a treat to shower and deal with no shampoo or blowdrying. But, the time I saved there, was lost as I pondered over all my head options. I wore an orange bandana for an hour, a pretty flowered "cap" for another hour, my "flapper hat" for a while, my half-wig with a tennis hat and finally my wig. Check out that expression! My smile looks like an infant's "smile" when suffering from gas. There is no way I can wear this out of my house until I get it thinned and I don't have an appointment for a week. It looks goofy. I know it's not bad. I bought it. But it's not me, yet. I texted a photo to Heidi and we laughed about my wig being "Texas Chic". I told Heidi that luckily I have a stylist who specializes in wig trimming. Then we both laughed and I winced, when we realized I haven't met my stylist. She may just adore my wig and rave about the volume and tell me that no improvements are needed. So now I have to worry for a week. Grumpy By evening I was very grumpy. I was spooked by seeing my eerie bald image in the mirror. I didn't like anything on my head, either. I decided I just wouldn't leave my house or socialize... ever. Except I have chemo on Tuesday and a shot appointment on Wednesday. Dang. I'm going to be one of those people in the waiting room that I've secretly eyed... in their awkward wigs and hats. Then I got a text at 6 pm, from the mom of these adorable kids. She wanted to know if Don and I would be up for dinner on Sunday? I wrote back that I wasn't brave enough to face the world... She said we could do dinner at the house and no hair was required. (Yikes, I was planning on playing hermit for a while.) But, I said yes after she sent me a photo of her family. (not this one) I realized, if I have to make my debut in the world (wearing I'm not sure what?) then what better way to do it. I'm ready for some hugs from these kids!
Good-bye Hair I've been dreading the bald thing, since Dr. P said my kind of chemo meant total hair loss. I wouldn't mind losing my hair so much, if I had young and flawless skin. But, I'm also glad I didn't have to go through this when I was young. I've had a lot of years to help me understand how little my hair really matters. Plus, I have Don! He knows all about being bald and I've never heard him complain. He also knows how to make things fun. He couldn't find a barber's bow tie, so he put on a bandana. ?? We set up the bathroom like a spa, with needed products and tools and some beverages! My wine was my first since chemo and I sort of needed it. Days before, I searched the internet for clever ideas of how to make getting rid of hair, fun. I was surprised at how little I found. My daughter, Heidi texted me a photo of a pineapple hairdo that she challenged her dad to attempt. My son, Scott sent a video of a barber who gave his young son an "old bald man haircut". My friend Martha sent some lovely images of bald women to inspire me. Family and friends are more creative than the internet. So we set up shop at about 5:30. I tossed down a few colorful scarves to wrap my head quickly if the bald look freaked me out. But I didn't know this was going to be such a long process and that I would have plenty of time to adjust to my head by the time it appeared! We kept in touch with Heidi by phone, so she could add her suggestions along the way. Don had a whole list of hairdos he wanted to attempt (with our ancient trimming scissors) He started by chopping my bangs to look, like singer, Sia... a dark haired version. Don seemed to be having so much fun as he snipped and muttered, that I could hardly fret. "Hmm, this may not be one of my better creations..." I mean, how often do you get the chance to not worry if someone flubs on your haircut? Don got pretty excited about giving me some crooked styles. Then he buzzed one side and slicked over the top. This was his "little boy" haircut. I felt like Peter Pan and I tried to belt out "I've got to crow..." but I couldn't remember the words. These photos are pretty scary, but for some reason I never had the meltdown I expected. It was fun. After cropping to a G.I. Jane cut, we slathered on some good old shaving cream and used a razor. But, before going totally bald, Don made sure we at least got to sport twin haircuts for a while. We have photos, but you'll have to ask to see those! All Gone While Don was shaving my head, Scott called. He and his fiance had made it halfway from DC to New Orleans. Suddenly I was texting them photos. It felt so good to have the support of my kids from afar, cheering and laughing along with us. "Are you sure you want to see this one?" I warned a few times. So I went to bed feeling relieved. The haircutting day is behind me. I woke in the morning and felt my head. I can't lie. It felt weird and I was prepared to have a glum day. But the sun was out after days of rain. I went out and swam with my bare head. I let the sun shine on it for a short while, as I relaxed and pondered. I still hate being bald. But it's only for a while.
Miss Running Actually I do like walking, but I've missed running the little route I've taken for 19 years. As I've eased back into exercise, I've tried walking the route and it's not the same. I feel restless and I know my brain doesn't kick in the same way It does when I trudge along, at my ridiculously slow running pace. So I ran for the first time this morning. I woke up feeling rested and I knew I needed to get out and try. Not only would I relieve stress and burn calories, I hoped my clearest thinking would kick in. In the past I've used my little 2.5 mile run, to plan my day, or make up a stupid song, or solve a problem. Today, I needed to plan my strategy for attacking my hair. My slow run actually felt pretty good. I did some good thinking... and I saw the sun rise in one direction and the full moon in the other! I got back to the house and gulped a glass of water with my feet in the pool. I felt pretty darn proud of myself and my brain was making up for lost time... going off on wild tangents. "What should I do with all my hair? No, a pillow would be gross. Maybe a bird or hamster would like it for nesting? Is chemo hair bad for animals? Should I put it in a little gift bag labeled R.I.P., before tossing?" After I cooled down and my brain stopped being silly, I showered. Throwing away a nest-sized blob of hair made me happy with my decision. By evening I will more than ready for my hair shaving event!
My brush stole my hair today. I know, this photo is a little TMI, but this isn't Facebook. No one is forced to see this. But I just want to remember what it looked like... the first time I brushed my hair after a shower and saw this. But, I'm okay. I expected this a week ago. It's been sort of worrisome, waiting for the signs, that I've been warned about. So now I need to plan what I'm going to do about it. How do I take control and approach the hair good-bye? Don is game to take whatever route I want. We are going to try to make it fun... somehow. But we are also fully prepared to be jolted by the emotion of it. Mostly, I'm ready for this "Good-Bye hair experience", to be behind me!
Fixing the Face It's amazing how looking at a glum face, can be catching. Especially if you go out of your way to smile at someone and they look back blankly. So that's why my wig-stand-friend, with her white Styrofoam face, needed to have a new look. I also desperately needed to do something a little festive, the day before I planned to get rid of my hair. Last Week Last week I posted this as my Facebook profile pic. I knew my wig holding friend needed some serious help. She looked depressed. Margit to the Rescue Yesterday, Margit offered to come over. She arrived with her paints and brushes! Mixing Paints First Margit had to mix some paint colors to boost the skin tone of my Styrofoam friend. It was soothing just watching the colors swirl together. I need to get out some paints in these months ahead! Special Jobs Margit and I each did one green eye, but like a Kindergartner I begged, "Can you fix mine?" Margit also repaired my lip attempts and she added some shading and line work. I added the false eyelashes and I did a very good job drying the paint. (I'm really excited that I won't be needing my hair dryer for a very long time.) Voila! Betty Lou looked complete, once we added some bling. She may not have a smile as large as ours, but she's rockin' the wig. That's too bad, because we will be fighting over it soon.
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Not-So-Happy List
Cancer, Covid & Coronary... I started this complaining list/blog, in May 2016. I posted 200 gripes about my breast CANCER and then I was done. On March 13, 2020, I started venting all over again, when another disease (starting with a C) interfered with my life. This time it was the invasion of COVID and it affected every person. I ranted for a year, until I got my COVID vaccine in March 2021. CORONARY Artery Disease was the reason I restarted this blog on September 26, 2021. This time it was my hubby Don, who was dealing with a worry that started with the letter "C". Coronavirus and Cancer, Coronary Artery Disease! All are evil, but none can totally get me down... if I vent! I usually end up feeling a little more positive at the end of each post! Navigating This Mess! The most recent post is at the top, from coronary posts in 2022, back to cancer posts in 2016. To find past posts, look below the "Archives" section, to find "Categories". Archives
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