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Fake Smiles? I can honestly say I like this photo, taken yesterday at Round # 3 of chemo. These smiles aren't fake.  I was feeling energized, surrounded by my crazy sister and hubby, dressed up in scarves with me. I'm lucky to feel fine on days of treatment. Night Before On Monday night, Don, Jennifer and I used some scarf tying videos to come up with some outfits for chemo.  There was a lot of laughing and honestly, I had fun.  Jennifer had her Nikon in the bathroom and she was snapping away at our process.  Don was probably having the most fun. He grew a little facial hair in prep for his possible biker look on Tuesday. He sported a few looks with my half-wig, but those pics would scare children.  I grabbed Jennifer's camera at one point, because she was pretty darn creative, too. I'm not sure what that top-knot is, in the first photo. My big sister has always been a good sport, going along with my fun. Honest Photos... But today, when we laughed over the photos from Monday night, I could see too much in the photos of me. I was chipper in an earlier image, but Jennifer's camera is way too clear. The photos from 9:30 at night captured some images I didn't want to see... or share.
There was too much light in that bathroom and the candid close-ups were eerie. "Don't use these in your blog!" I laughed, since Jennifer blogs as well. "Oh man! These photos are scary..."
I cringed at how her images revealed the changes in my skin and eyes. Jennifer agreed that I do look different from chemo. I gave her a brief reprimand for her honesty. "Don't say more or I'll write you up in my "Not So Happy Blog!" In Truth... I'm actually glad to have had that honesty. I need to know that I do look different now and that my worn out appearance staring back from mirrors, will not always be there.  I'll keep the photos she shared with me, but I don't have to put them online. I can wear sunglasses when I feel like it. I can laugh at the funny scarves and mope about aging close-ups. But I know the Old Beth is coming back. I'll be older... but at some point in this journey, I'll start to feel and look a little younger!
2 Comments
Cheryl
9/18/2016 01:27:29 pm
Beth, it's Sunday so I always try to catch up with you on your arduous journey. I'm glad I found your "in truth" post with your sister. I was scrolling through the pictures and your words the thought came to me, "it has to be EXHAUSTING to be "on" so much." Thinking of you with love and respect dear friend.
Beth
9/19/2016 08:23:50 am
You're so right, Cheryl. There's a fine line and I can easily cross it. I'm so happy putzing alone and not engaging with others. But I also know if I get myself out there and have fun socializing, when I'm up for it... I feel better. But it's easy to do too much. Jennifer knows me well and she was cautious to not let me "play host" for a week. She had her laptop and did work much of the time, so luckily we both could do our own thing. I'm glad I have so few rounds of this, but I will finally know how to deal with this, just as it ends! Leave a Reply. |
Not-So-Happy List
Cancer, Covid & Coronary... I started this complaining list/blog, in May 2016. I posted 200 gripes about my breast CANCER and then I was done. On March 13, 2020, I started venting all over again, when another disease (starting with a C) interfered with my life. This time it was the invasion of COVID and it affected every person. I ranted for a year, until I got my COVID vaccine in March 2021. CORONARY Artery Disease was the reason I restarted this blog on September 26, 2021. This time it was my hubby Don, who was dealing with a worry that started with the letter "C". Coronavirus and Cancer, Coronary Artery Disease! All are evil, but none can totally get me down... if I vent! I usually end up feeling a little more positive at the end of each post! Navigating This Mess! "Cancer" Posts 5/2016 - 12/2018 "Covid" Posts 3/2020 - 3/2021 "Coronary" Posts 9/2021 - 1/2022 click on months below Archives
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