#81 Don't Like Honesty

I can honestly say I like this photo taken yesterday at Round # 3 of chemo.  These smiles aren't fake. I was feeling energized, surrounded by my crazy sister and hubby, dressed up in scarves with me.  I'm lucky to feel fine on days of treatment.

Night Before

On Monday night, Don, Jennifer and I used some scarf tying videos to come up with some outfits for chemo.  There was a lot of laughing and honestly, I had fun.

Jennifer had her Nikon in the bathroom and she was snapping away at our process.

Don was probably having the most fun. He grew a little facial hair in prep for his possible biker look on Tuesday.  He sported a few looks with my half-wig, but those pics would scare children.

I grabbed Jennifer's camera at one point, because she was pretty darn creative, too.  I'm not sure what that top-knot is, in the first photo. My big sister has always been a good sport, going along with my fun.

Honest Photos...

But today, when we laughed over the photos from Monday night, I could see too much in the photos of me.  I was chipper in an earlier image, but Jennifer's camera is way too clear. The photos from 9:30 at night captured some images I didn't want to see... or share.

There was too much light in that bathroom and the candid close-ups were eerie. "Don't use these in your blog!" I laughed, since Jennifer blogs as well. "Oh man! These photos are scary..."  I cringed at how her images revealed the changes in my skin and eyes. Jennifer agreed that I do look different from chemo.  

I gave her a brief reprimand for her honesty. "Don't say more or I'll write you up in my "Not So Happy Blog!"

In Truth...

I'm actually glad to have had that honesty.  I need to know that I do look different now and that my worn out appearance staring back from mirrors, will not always be there.  I'll keep the photos she shared with me, but I don't have to put them online. I can wear sunglasses when I feel like it. I can laugh at the funny scarves and mope about aging close-ups.  But I know the Old Beth is coming back. I'll be older... but at some point in this journey, I'll start to feel and look a little younger!