#81 Don't Like Honesty

 
​Fake Smiles?

I can honestly say I like this photo, taken yesterday at Round # 3 of chemo.  These smiles aren't fake. I was feeling energized, surrounded by my crazy sister and hubby, dressed up in scarves with me.  I'm lucky to feel fine on days of treatment.

Night Before
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On Monday night, Don, Jennifer and I used some scarf tying videos to come up with some outfits for chemo.  There was a lot of laughing and honestly, I had fun.

Jennifer had her Nikon in the bathroom and she was snapping away at our process.

Don was probably having the most fun. He grew a little facial hair in prep for his possible biker look on Tuesday.  He sported a few looks with my half-wig, but those pics would scare children.

I grabbed Jennifer's camera at one point, because she was pretty darn creative, too.  I'm not sure what that top-knot is, in the first photo. My big sister has always been a good sport, going along with my fun.

Honest Photos...
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But today, when we laughed over the photos from Monday night, I could see too much in the photos of me.  I was chipper in an earlier image, but Jennifer's camera is way too clear. The photos from 9:30 at night captured some images I didn't want to see... or share.

There was too much light in that bathroom and the candid close-ups were eerie. "Don't use these in your blog!" I laughed, since Jennifer blogs as well. "Oh man! These photos are scary..."  ​

I cringed at how her images revealed the changes in my skin and eyes. Jennifer agreed that I do look different from chemo.  ​

​I gave her a brief reprimand for her honesty. "Don't say more or I'll write you up in my "Not So Happy Blog!"

In Truth...
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I'm actually glad to have had that honesty. I need to know that I do look different now and that my worn out appearance staring back from mirrors, will not always be there. I'll keep the photos she shared with me, but I don't have to put them online. I can wear sunglasses when I feel like it. I can laugh at the funny scarves and mope about aging close-ups. But I know the Old Beth is coming back. I'll be older... but at some point in this journey, I'll start to feel and look a little younger!