#48 Don't Like Night Before Nerves

Even though I've been shouting, "I want to start this chemo!' I'm actually feeling more jittery tonight, before chemo, than I was the night before surgery.  Surgery was all about getting that tumor out of me! Yay!   But there are so many more unknowns with chemo. 

I talked with both my kids who wanted to know how I was feeling about all this. Yesterday, I talked to Heidi about the hair loss and wondering about having no eyebrows or lashes... blah, blah, blah. But she was upbeat about buying good make up for a change. She could even come help me have some fun with it.

I talked to my son, Scott last night.  First we talked about lots of stuff in his hectic life in DC right now, but then he got thoughtful about my day tomorrow. I said I felt positive, but a little stressed about the unknowns. What will MY symptoms be? Bone pain, nausea... ? Scott reminded me about how he used to be the night before first days of school and how I had to remind him that those jitters were normal.  "It's all that wondering that makes you anxious." I would remind him.  Once you're there in school or even the new job, you finally get to find out what it's all about... good and bad.  And it's a huge relief.  

So Scott had to remind me that I was like he was, before starting school or jobs. And soon I would find out and I would feel that relief of just knowing!  And probably much of the stuff that is worrying my won't even happen!  I love having kids who can teach and support me!

Then I had to tell Scott, "Oh I am taking my tiny wooden donkey tomorrow!" It's my silly mascot for helping me "kick cancer's butt".  He laughed and answered. "Just like my sabertooth tiger!" Scott was only 2 when he had thumb surgery and we couldn't find his favorite plastic toy to take along for comfort. Grandma had to buy him a new one, in St.Louis... since you can't just find one anywhere.  Then she raced to Tulsa to get it to him before surgery.  

I need to find a picture of that boy and his sabertooth!