39 - Don't Like Tests

I'm like most, since I don't like tests. Sometimes you can opt out of them, like I did in high school Humanities.  Reciting poems and performing scenes got me out of a few quizzes, at least.  But I haven't been able to avoid all the tests that have been needed with this cancer stuff.  Waiting for results is like waiting for a test that I never got to study for. 

I wasn't a bad student, but I was always anxious when the teacher passed out graded tests.  I loved the feeling of relief when I saw a good grade and knew my worry had been for nothing.  I've relived that "whew!" feeling a couple times in the past 2 months.  When the biopsy results told me my cancer was Estrogen positive, my doctor/teacher explained how that was a good thing. After surgery I was given more grades/results and I felt a wave of relief to learn, my lymph nodes passed the test and my margins were clear!  And then after a few more weeks there were pathology scores that made me feel like a winner again.  "Your tumor wasn't actually 2.2 cm, it was 1.7!  You are stage 1 not stage 2."  I nailed it! Maybe it was my 2 weeks of healthy eating before surgery!

And then Don and I sat down with the oncologist on Friday and he went over the scores from the Oncotype DX test.  I was hoping to hear that I had once again been a good student/patient and I could skip chemo.  But my score of 28 put me in an iffy area.  Plus, some other scores had shifted.  Most significantly, my clear lymph nodes.  One was not exactly clean.  Oops.  I bragged that I was stage 1 and now I'm really 2A or something.  I hate scores and numbers and tests. 

But I'm joining the Chemo-Club.  And there are some very good people in that club.