This morning felt like Halloween, with all the eerie fog. In fact this whole month of October seems like a foggy dream. Our schedules and routines are so altered.
But Don encouraged me to get out and run, today. I felt sort of guilty dashing off, before helping him get his morning started. But I went and the misty air felt good. I guess Don knows as well as I do, that I'm a much more patient and cheerful companion/nurse, when I've gotten some exercise.
I actually hate running, but I do my best thinking/planning when I run. I loved having the fog this morning. Trotting through the moist morning, seemed to clear the fog in my own brain.
As I jogged along, I thought about what I read on my iPad. (I should have read fiction!) Last night I Googled, "Tips for helping your spouse after bypass surgery." Yikes. Suddenly I was reading articles that made me worry. A New York Times article talked about how regaining emotional strength after a bypass, was sometimes harder than the physical challenges.
I read about terms like "Cardio Blues" and "Pumphead". There were discussions of personality changes and depression after heart surgery. I know from my own experience that surgery can bring on the blues, but these studies were specific to open heart surgery. Up to 75 percent can have issues with anxiety and depression and cognitive abilities.
So many hours under anesthesia is one reason, but my reading got off on a whole other tangent, about the heart-lung machine... used when the heart is stopped during surgery... particles and debris can get into the blood stream... leading to cognitive challenges. Ugh! This is what I hate about the internet. You can't forget this stuff!
As I ran this morning, I felt some anger pounding into the pavement. If this is all true, then why did no one speak of it, when they mentioned all the other risk factors with heart surgery? Don has said many times that he has trouble concentrating. Movies, books, puzzles are not appealing right now.
We have a follow up with the surgeon tomorrow. I wonder what questions he'll ask Don, when he's determining how recovery is going?
But as I neared the house I felt stronger and braver. I will speak up tomorrow, because luckily I can be at that appointment. A year ago, I wouldn't have been allowed in, due to Covid. But Don and I will go together and I'll ask questions myself and learn more. Well, at least that's the plan.
I started this complaining list/blog, in May 2016. I posted 200 gripes about my breast cancer and then I was done.
On March 13, 2020, I started venting all over again, when another disease (starting with a C) interfered with my life. Only this time, it was affecting more than me. I ranted for a year, until I got my vaccine in March 2021.
Coronary Artery Disease was the reason I restarted this blog on September 26, 2021. This time it was Don who was dealing with a worry that started with the letter "C".
Coronavirus and Cancer, Coronary Artery Disease! All are evil, but none can totally get me down... if I vent! I usually end up feeling a little more positive at the end of each post!