#165 Don't Like Mammograms

Who Does?

Like most women, I don't enjoy the annual visit. Today I felt an extra dose of dread as I drove to the imaging clinic. This is the office I will always associate with my diagnosis. Last May I came here 3 times and those anxious days are shared in my first posts.

Yesterday, I got back on the horse with another appointment. I had my annual Well Woman exam, with my nurse practitioner.  I felt slightly anxious as I entered the waiting room, remembering last May, when Janine shared concern about a lump. That was the beginning... my bump in the road.  But yesterday, Janine greeted me with a huge smile and hug. It felt like my appointment was more about a celebration than a required exam.

Today

I dreaded my mammogram today, but I was eager for it to be over. I expected to leave knowing that everything was good... or everything wasn't good. My appointment a year ago had included an ultrasound, which meant I got results that day. Today, I was told it would be over a week to get my report and if there were concerns, I'd be called back.  What!  

Even though I've been feeling 99% sure that I'm fine, I suddenly felt that ache of worry, like I felt at my appointment on May 23, 2016. That was the day, I was told I needed to come back for a biopsy. I remember feeling a wave of gloom, as if I already knew the outcome. I asked the nurse last year, "How long for results? Do I cancel my 2 week trip to Colorado."  Today, I saw the same nurse and once again asked,  "How long till I find out results? I'm leaving town."  I explained that I was going on the same Colorado trip that we had canceled last year. She understood my stress and smiled with a look that told me she wasn't worried.  "I've been doing this a long time." She assured me that she had no concerns. I'm pretty sure she wasn't supposed to tell me that.
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​Oh my. Waiting again, but it's different this time.  I'm pretty sure we're going to Colorado!