#107 Don't Like Being Self-Conscious

​A Getaway

I just had a rejuvenating 5-day getaway (in the window between treatments) to help me forget about cancer. But it seems I was reminded constantly, by the slipping, itching, twisting, annoying things on my head.

If only I'd had the confidence to just greet nature, bare-headed.  What an easy trip it would have been. But it was too cold to be bald... and I wasn't brave enough.
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Best Choice

Here's the cozy hat that came closest to helping me forget my hat/wig woes.  I wore the soft, knit cap right on top of my head and it was pure comfort! When it was really cold, I wore a terrycloth beanie under it. Sometimes I wore it with my half wig, just for a little style and neck warmth.

Plus, look how it blends with the mountains that surround Lake Tahoe!

Wig Issues
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I packed the wig, because I knew there would be times I'd want to be hat free.  

In this San Francisco photo, I look sort of normal. But the wind started blowing.

Getting the Signal
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A nice man on the roof of our B&B offered to take a photo of both of us. I thanked him and ushered Don over. Don gave me "the look" which let me know my wig needed tending. It's kind of hard to adjust your wig when a stranger is waiting with a camera.  Sheesh!  What would I do without my personal assistant?

Slipping...
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So here are some wig looks that I'm not happy about.  Don and I celebrated our 37th anniversary while in Tahoe.  As our server took our photo, we clinked glasses and I had no clue that my wig was slipping down over my forehead. Not a good look.

Happy As Can Be... About My Forehead
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I was smiling pretty big, so I clearly didn't know that my wig was slipping backwards in these photos!  In the chair pose, I was actually wearing a hidden band to prevent slippage.  (That band will not get used again) The other photo shows my snappy scarf, that I was feeling pretty good about... until I saw the photo. Obviously neither helped keep my wig in place.  

Half Wig Time
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I grew weary of the wig issues and decided I needed to just wear my half wig and hide under a hat.  Purchasing a hat was a trick in itself.  I am letting Betty-Lou my wig holder, demonstrate how the bald head works with the half wig. It's a little scary. I had to do some swift work inside the souvenir shop to try on hats behind display cases... so as not to shock my fellow shoppers.   ​

Wind and a Hat
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That afternoon I felt more comfortable wearing my new hat and halfie, as I walked along the sand at Zephyr Cove. But the wind was whipping a bit. I was standing right next to a woman when the wind blasted. Luckily my reflexes are still good and I slapped the top of my head, just before that hat lifted and flew.  Which would look crazier... me chasing the hat with my halfie-Bozo-head, or me tying down the hat-n-halfie combo, with a silk scarf?   
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Social Encounters
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For the most part, I was happy to be amongst strangers on our trip. I didn't really care what anyone thought in the condo fitness room when I arrived with head scarf and slip-on shoes with dark socks.  But Don and I had 2 social encounters planned, which I was more self- conscious about. With my watery eyes, and puffy face just 2+ weeks after last chemo, I wasn't feeling my most confident.  

But after we met up with Billy in Tahoe, I was glad we'd made the effort. Connecting with people over these past months has been healthy. I have to push myself, but I always feel better.

Picnic With The Little Guys
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I knew I'd feel happy once we connected with our nephew's family, too. I was eager to see our sweet, 3 and 6 year old great nephews. It was nice knowing they were too young to ask questions about my health or to notice what I had on my head.

That was refreshing. But as we sat at the picnic table I discovered a new concern. 3-year-old Colden got playful with Don. For some reason he thought it was such incredible fun to grab Don's hat off his head, repeatedly.

For a moment I didn't think a thing.  I love these kids and I love play. Then, it dawned on me, "Oh no! I could be next!" and what a surprise that would be!  Thank goodness books and playgrounds are very distracting! ​

San Fran Airport
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On Monday morning we packed up before heading to the airport. I went round and round trying to decide if I should wear my scratchy wig on the plane. But, maybe halfie and a scarf or hat would be comfier?

​ I chose the wig.

I didn't realize how smart that decision was until we stood in the security line and noticed travelers being asked to remove their hats. Whew, I suddenly liked that wig on my head.

Maybe I'll get another chance to travel by air before my hair grows back.  It would be just a little fun, to give those TSA folks a big surprise!