But there's no such thing, right?
On my first day, the machine was decorated for Halloween and my question was about sneezing. I was glad to learn, it was okay to sneeze... if I didn't move. Or I could holler, "Stop!" Since they are watching and listening through the glass.
The Blue Pillow
Can I Nail the Pose?
Each time I lay down on the sheet covered platform, I reach back and hold the bars above my head. To get me into the exact position each day, the therapists tell me to scoot up or down. Then they tug the sheet, beneath me, to center me more right or left. My question one day was, "Does anyone ever just lie down and hit the right position perfectly?" They laughed and said it was possible. I told them it was my goal to nail it on the first try, before my treatments ended. I decided my chances were slim, when I heard it happens only about once, every 6 months.
I'm only in that room for a few minutes and nothing hurts, so I feel comfortable pondering some questions.
"Does anyone ever fall asleep in here?"
"Do people keep their eyes open or closed?"
"Is there anyone who has a treatment shorter than me?"
Yes, people fall asleep, often and most people don't open their eyes, like I do. And there might be one person with a slightly shorter treatment than mine. And that thought lead to a question, with a sobering answer.
"What is the longest treatment time?"
"Well... about 30 minutes." My therapist answered that day. I gulped at the thought of laying still so long... daily. It can take that long for some brain cancer patients, she explained. She told me some had to wear plastic mesh masks over the head and shoulders, to keep from moving. I knew I had seen stacks of those molded "face-cages" with names on them. My therapist was honest about how claustrophobic she felt when she tried one on, in school. I suddenly remembered the woman I had seen leaving... with imprints on her face.
I usually leave the center in good spirits, but that day I left thoughtful and sad. Sad for those who suffer long treatments. And more sad to think of those who deal with cancers and treatments, with lower success rates.
My Fellow Patients
It's easy to joke about my radiation, because it is painless for me. But I really need to stop and think about my fellow patients who share the waiting area. We sit in our matching gowns... with such different stories and futures. As we move into the holidays, I aim to be more sensitive to those around me.
Cancer - Covid
I started this complaining list/blog, in May 2016. I posted 200 gripes about my breast cancer and then I was done.
On March 17, 2020, I started venting all over again, when another disease (starting with a C) interfered with my life. Only this time, it was affecting more than me.
Coronavirus and Cancer! Both are evil, but neither can totally get me down... if I vent! I hope with Covid, I run out of complaints before 200!