New Hair Color Yesterday, I got a new color. I'm jolted every time I walk by the mirror. I thought my days of cringing over my image were over. But I can give it a few days and make changes if I want. My Barber! I learned a year ago, that the best way to face your hair woes (or lack of hair woes) is to go see your barber! So today, the day after getting my new hair color, I went to see A.D.! Richmond Barber Shop I didn't actually go to his barber shop to get my hair done, today. It was just a good time to visit A.D. who made my head smooth and shiny with his straight edge razor, a year ago. I have fond memories of sitting in A.D.'s barber chair last year. Here is the post from October 2016: http://www.thebethlists.com/not-so-happy-list/102-dont-like-prickly-hair My Call I called the shop at 8:30 this morning and A.D. answered. After I fumbled a moment with my reason for calling, his voice boomed out. "Beth! How are you! We've been wondering how you were doing!" I was giddy to hear his enthusiasm. He said the picture I'd sent him a year ago, was sitting right there near him. I told him I wanted to come show him my hair and he said he'd be waiting. Noon I took Don with me to meet A.D. during the lunch hour. I was eager for Don to meet this wonderful fellow, who refused to let me pay for my luxurious, head pampering last year. When we walked into the shop, A.D. happily greeted with a big hug. I was sorry we missed the customer who had just left. A.D. told us he'd been cutting his hair since 1960. I asked A.D. to pose with me, when Don grabbed the camera. Then A.D. reached in a drawer and handed Don a disposable camera. Don snapped another. Sitting a Spell A.D. invited us to have a seat in one of the chairs along the wall. He laughed with Don, recalling how still I sat in his barber chair, last year. "That's because you had a razor on my head!" I reminded him. A.D. told me that he'd been visiting with his friend, Silven when he got my call a few hours earlier. "Silven wanted me to tell you hi!" A.D. added. His buddy comes daily and he was there a year ago, graciously using my camera to document. Hanging Out in the Shop There were no customers so Don and I got to look at old photos and ask lots of questions. A.D. filled us in, on some of the history of the shop that opened in 1949... after operating in a nearby building since the 1800's. He laughed about the stories that had been shared, not just from the barber chairs, but the seats along the wall. Men and boys of all ages...ranchers and a few notable Texans... but no women asking for hair cuts or head shaves, besides me. Remembering Last Year A.D. kept going back to last year. He admitted he had been so surprised when I called to inquire about having my head shaved. He told his wife that day, that he was tempted to call the local paper, since they appreciate a good story. I grinned at that thought. "Oh you should have!" Next thing I knew, A.D. was on the phone talking to someone with the Richmond paper. "Yes, she's in my shop right now." I laughed with Don, because I'd already told Don that the shop made me feel like I was in Andy Griffith's Mayberry. The fact that A.D. picked up the phone and dialed the newspaper without looking up the number, made me feel like we'd stepped back in time. Monday So on Monday, I'll be back at the shop, meeting with A.D. and someone from the local paper. I have no idea what will happen with this, but I'm just excited to have another reason to stop by and chat with A.D.
And who knows. If I'm still jolted with my dark hair by then, I can have him just shave it off!
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Many Reasons I'm not a big shopper and I don't like malls. I don't like the crowds and I also don't like it when the mall's quiet... and I become a magnet to sales help. The music often annoys me and the strong scents make my eyes water. Mom-of-Groom-Dress With only 22 days until Scott and Chali's wedding, I hit the mall today. I already have two maybe dresses at home, but it's time to make a decision. At Macy's, I rushed past the cosmetics department in search of formal dresses. I probably looked like the perfect candidate for a makeover, but I shook my head towards 2 different beauticians. I didn't have time for beauty advice. Dressing Room I avoided the lurking older saleswoman near the "formal wear" and snatched 6 dresses, before dashing to the fitting room. Trying on dresses can be exhausting, but I was efficient and I have tons of energy these days. But why can't I zip myself up anymore? Is it because I turned 60, 6 months ago? Or is this recent inflexibility due to my hormone blocking drugs? I actually asked a stranger for help. Mother of the Groom Hair I wasn't in love with any of the 6 dresses. I wasn't in love with my hair either. A year ago I started growing my hair back. I thought I'd have more than this for a November wedding. But my friend reminded me yesterday, that the focus at the wedding will not be on my hair. Good reminder! Avoiding Kiosks Luckily I still had lots of energy, since I needed to make the cross country hike to Dillard's. The mall was fairly quiet on a Wednesday morning, which meant there were fewer shoppers to dodge. But there were also no crowds to hide me from the sales people standing beside their kiosks... looking for victims. I tried to remember my daughter's advice. "Don't be so nice, Mom. Avoid eye contact." I scurried along, close to the shop entrances, but I was still invited to taste this and smell that. I was also invited to answer questions. Mall Walker I made it halfway through the mall when I heard an older voice behind me. "Excuse me Ma'am..." Those are the very words I usually ignore, but the voice made me turn back. An older, African American woman, wearing a fanny pack, was obviously doing a mall walk. But she had a question. Back of My Head I halted my dash and walked towards her to hear her question. "Are those natural curls?" She asked, while we continued to walk in the same direction. I chuckled to put her at ease with my answer. "Oh, they're post chemo curls!" She didn't seem to react, which made me wonder if my answer surprised her. In fact what answer was she hoping for? And what did the back of my head look like anyway? And why were my eyes picking that moment to tear up from my mall allergy issues? Now this poor woman would think I was emotional! A few moments later she responded. "I lost my hair with chemo, too. It was harder losing my hair than my breasts." Then it made sense why she stopped me. I made an attempt to bond with the sweet looking woman. "Yes, it's tough isn't it." But she didn't have much else to say, which again made me wonder why she'd stopped me. If I'd answered, "Yes, my curls are natural." Would she have had more to say? Since she'd brought up the curls, I wanted to ask, "Wasn't your hair curly before cancer? Do you have tricks?" But of course I didn't. Usually this kind of people encounter would sort of delight me, but it felt odd. We chatted awkwardly a bit longer before going our separate ways. An Odd Encounter I spotted the woman a couple more times as she zigzagged in the mall. We didn't greet again, or I would have been tempted to say, "Do you like my curls?" Because our slightly awkward encounter reminded me of the "Go Dogs Go" book that I adored as a child. I felt like we were the 2 dog characters who repeatedly meet in passing... one asking the other, "Do you like my hat?" before moving on. Spotted Again I'm already a bad shopper, but I was suddenly feeling rattled and less patient. I found nothing at Dillard's and headed back through the mall, aiming towards home. I spotted the woman again, striking up a conversation with a younger African American woman. The young woman had curly hair and her gestures told me, she was answering questions about her hair. Pondering At home I continued wondering about the woman and wondering about my hair. I glanced at a photo from another shopping attempt and I thought. The curly-head-image was one that I never would recognize as my own. So maybe the back of my head is kind of fun. Maybe I'll miss these curls. My hair is already getting straight in areas.
As for the woman... Was she just curious? Was she plain lonely? Was she a pickpocket and I'm missing my wallet? Or was just friendly, in an odd way? I guess I could go mall walking tomorrow and find out. Except, I don't like malls. Thursday Doc Appointment I don't usually worry over my routine doc appointments, every 3 months. But when I headed to see my oncologist yesterday, I found myself dreading the blood pressure cuff more than the needle for lab work. I hoped the stresses of the past 8 weeks wouldn't be revealed in my blood pressure. Luckily, my worries now aren't about cancer. But they seem to be about everything else. Wildfires On Monday, I woke to the news of the wildfires in California. As Don and I watched the images of Santa Rosa on TV, our good friends waited to hear if their house would survive. We had just stayed with them in California, 3 weeks before. Even though John and Lorrie were safe in Texas, I worried over them and California for 3 days. By the time I headed to my appointment on Thursday, the fires were still burning and their beautiful home was gone. Floods Before Fires My nearly 2-month worry period began in early August with Hurricane Harvey. After we evacuated our house, I felt edgy and restless for days, as we waited to see if our home would flood. One day, we stopped at a CVS and I decided to find out if the stress was affecting my blood pressure. I felt like a kid getting a bad grade back on a test. I hoped no one could see my numbers. Thinking Positively Yesterday, as I sat in the waiting room, I took deep breaths and focused on peaceful thoughts. But the images that came to my head were of lovely vineyards and our friends' view in California and all the heavenly scenes that had been destroyed. But at least the TV in the waiting room was turned to HGTV and there was no remote, tempting me to change channels. At home I've had a hard time turning away from the news. There's been a steady stream of disasters between Houston's devastating floods and California's horrific fires. Even after Harvey, I was glued to the TV for updates on the hurricanes headed towards Florida and Puerto Rico. Then I was suddenly staring in shock at the images of the mass shooting in Las Vegas. Along with all of the disaster updates in the news, I've been cringing and fuming at the constant drama in the White House. This can't be healthy. Pink Month As I tried to distract myself in the waiting room, I noticed the desk staff wearing pink. "Oh it's October." I reminded myself. How could I be so unaware? I looked around and noticed a few weary patients and wondered if they were just starting treatment... or if they had been dealing with cancer for years. I suddenly remembered why I was sitting in that room. And then, I began to think about all those who have dealt with cancer plus tragedy in these past weeks. Chemo patients in Houston, who had their treatments and care disrupted... cancer patients in Santa Rosa who have no home to return to after a morning of chemo or a radiation... or what about all the people who received a cancer diagnosis on October 1, the day we learned of the Las Vegas mass shooting... When I finally saw Dr. P, he asked about hurricane damage, before asking health questions. Then he studied his clipboard and rattled off a few comments in his doctorly way. "Your labs look good. Your weight is fine. Your hair's looking nice..." The comment cracked me up, because only your oncologist can offer a hair compliment with such a business tone.
After all my concern, Dr. P. didn't even mention my blood pressure. It was closer to normal. I left feeling grateful that my appointment was so dull. I drove home feeling lucky that Pink Month was not as stressful as last year. By the time I reached home, I vowed I would find a way to keep up with the news, without being addicted to it! Less focus on TV and more focus on people. That might even put my blood pressure in the normal range! Hats Again, in California My last posts were about serious hurricane and flood concerns and now I'm back to hair gripes. That's pretty lame. I can't believe I'm hiding under hats, again. I may not be hiding a bald head, like I was a year ago...but I'm hiding a new funky kind of hair. Part is curly and part is straight. 11 Months Ago Last October, I wore my Lake Tahoe hat when I visited my great nephews in California. I felt pretty normal with my half wig. Only once did I come close to revealing my bald head, when 3-year old Colden made a grab for my hat. This Year It was fun being back in California this September. The boys were almost a year older and I was 11 months stronger. Last October when we visited, I had just finished chemo. I was all giddy about my hair growing back. I'm glad I didn't know then, how slow the process would be. Goofy Hair I didn't wear a hat when we saw the boys this time, but I probably should have. We had a wonderful hike near Squaw Valley and paused for a photo. All 3 boys look like they're laughing at my worn out Brillo Pad hair, in this photo. That's not true, though. Nobody, including me, was thinking of hair when this photo was taken. But there was another moment during our visit, when 7 year old Silas did take notice of my curls. Hair Chat Silas was busy working with his Legos, when we began talking about the last time we visited. Silas said he remembered our picnic. Then he paused and studied me for a moment. "You looked different then. Your hair is curly now." I'm used to adults cautiously mentioning my hair, but I'm not used to the honesty of a child. It was such a simple remark, with no concern or opinion. I laughed and agreed with him, that my hair was indeed curly. Silas turned his focus back to his building, but he continued to talk.
"I have a girl in my class and her hair is really, really curly. There's nothing she can do about it. She tries to use barrettes sometimes, but it's still curly." I asked if his friend was okay her hair. Silas answered, "Yep, I think so." I loved our little hair talk. I loved picturing the little girl, who probably looked adorable in her barrettes. She could probably give me some pointers! Harvey... Then Irma Exactly 2 weeks ago, Don and I left our home under a mandatory evacuation. Hurricane Harvey was over, but our community was in danger of flooding due to the rising river nearby. During those stressful days, we heard from far away friends and family, who worried over scenes they saw on national news. Now we're the ones concerned about those we know in distant states, threatened by Irma. The Brazos didn't end up flooding our home, but so many in Texas suffered huge storm damage. They continue to need help, but attention has shifted. Now we're worried about those we know in the path of Hurricane Irma. Forgetting This morning, I ran my usual route on Homeward Way. It was dry and clear, making it hard to remember the eerie sight of the flooded car and kayaks. I'm already forgetting how it felt 12 days ago, when we hiked back to check on the house. We were still on edge, waiting for the river to crest... anxious as we visualized homes flooding. For many in Texas and Florida, it will be a long time until there can be any forgetting. Advice It seems like we Texans should have advice for Florida. I feel like I should at least have some tips, for those very friends in the southeast who recently checked in on me! A week before Harvey I heard from 2 friends who asked for a different kind of advice. Each had a friend, who was recently diagnosed with cancer. When questioned, I realized I that I have never taken time to sort out my thoughts about my cancer experience, to help with others. Now I need to stop and think about what I learned with Harvey... before I move on. Remember There's so much we learned those days before and after the storms. Storm prep, evacuation, flood insurance and even volunteering... But I'll have to organize those thoughts, later. For now, I'll throw some photos on this post, so I can come back to this and recall. Lucky! These aren't scary photos like they show on the news, but they are good reminders. I'm reminded of the stress and worry about all the what ifs. And I'm reminded of how lucky we were. We were lucky with Harvey. This was our third hurricane scare in 12 years. This was our first evacuation and I need to do my work and make notes to be better prepared if this ever happens again. Like cancer, you hope it's a one time deal. But I might as well figure out what I've learned from both experiences, so I can better help others.
Survivor's Remorse, with Hurricane Harvey We returned home after 4 days of mandatory evacuation. Our house didn't flood, but over 100,000 homes in our area were affected. I felt guilty that I got to sleep in my own bed that night. But no one really wants to hear about my survivor's remorse. Guilt I know I need to stop the guilt stuff, but I got in the habit a year ago with my cancer. I felt guilty accepting help when others needed it more. I felt guilty last spring when I gathered at a celebration for Cancer Survivors Day. I dealt with such a minor battle compared to many. I didn't really earn a cancer or hurricane survivor badge. But the initial fear that came with both announcements, was similar. Maybe I earned a badge for that. Mostly, I'm grateful that my cancer was treatable and thankful that water didn't reach the house. Volunteering Feeling guilty is a waste of time. So on Saturday, I headed to Sugar Land's baseball stadium to donate blood. I heard the hospitals were running low. I was turned away because I wasn't 3 years cancer free. I no longer felt guilty. I felt mad. Mad to be in that stupid cancer club with rules that make me feel like my blood is flawed. Mad that I couldn't join the club of Givers that was lined up. Relaxing When Others Aren't I started feeling guilty before we even knew our house was going to be safe. We were invited to evacuate to a safe home just miles from ours. The sun came out by the second day and I was able to run... which helped with stress. The dry paths were lovely in the morning, but I could hardly enjoy, when I felt I should be helping others. Everything looked oddly normal, until I approached the closed grocery stores and restaurants. The sounds of rescue helicopters reminded me that all was not well. How to Help? The day we got home, I began fretting over how to help. I saw images on TV of boat rescues and flooded homes with neighbors pitching in. I wanted to jump in and be a part of the help. But how? I'm the person who doesn't do groups. This is when it pays to be a part of an organization that pulls together and helps others. So much for my independence. I wasted lots of time on the internet and phone, trying to find areas of need that were reachable. Don learned that a friend in the flooded and neglected town of Wharton, was preparing a BBQ for over 400. We drove out and delivered some goods, but there was little else for us to do. The small group seemed to have everything under control. I was in awe, watching how smoothly they prepared for the crowds, around pots of beans and rice and the giant grill. This was a hardworking group, used to pulling together and helping one another. Cooking a pot of beans to feed 300 was no big deal. I took it in and vowed I would learn from what I saw. Shelters and Centers I felt disappointed the next day, that they didn't need my help when I showed up at an evacuation shelter in Richmond. I drove to a church shelter, but it had already closed. I don't know why it took me so long to realize I just needed to get back to being with the people in the centers, where I already volunteer. I had gone in circles for days, before returning to my senior groups and the kids at the Women's shelter. Everyone had been affected by the hurricane whether they had dealt with floods or not. Helping Each Other It was a joy to hug some of my sweet seniors and hear their stories. We had all been worried about each other when the center was closed for 10 days. We shared and then we forgot about Harvey and distracted ourselves with fun. I left realizing they had helped me as much as I'd helped them. Kids and More Seniors My Alzheimer's group delighted me with their ability to live in the moment. No one was talking about hurricanes! Then I moved on, to the Women's Shelter where the moms were the happiest to see me. After almost 2 weeks of school closings, there was a fair amount of tension in the air. After games and songs, puppets and outside play I left the kids worn out... but not as worn out as me. So, in the future I'll try to remind myself to keep this guilt thing from getting in the way. Sometimes my urge to race out there and do something "big" distracts me from caring about the people who are right near me.
Hurricane Harvey - 3 Days After Landfall Exactly a week ago, we woke to images on TV of the devastation in Houston. I couldn't imagine the horrors of escaping, in flood waters. I worried about the people I knew in those areas, 20 miles from our home in Sugar Land. But, I didn't worry about our house. Fort Bend County has had 3 major floods in 3 years and we've always been fine. A Week Ago, Sunday On Sunday, we grew more concerned as we learned about the Brazos River, which borders our neighborhood. Predictions of rising waters had us slightly on edge. Then, late Sunday night we got word of the mandatory evacuation and I suddenly realized how unprepared we were. Luckily we had until the next day, but we began frantically working. I texted and phoned friends and neighbors for the next couple of hours, carrying the phone with me as I made endless trips up and down stairs... carrying what we could from the first floor to what we hoped would be the dry floor. At 2 am, we tried to sleep for a few hours, but it wasn't restful. Monday Morning In the morning we were up early, gathering important papers, valuables and food. We loaded both cars and felt lucky that we at least had the time to make decisions and communicate with others... who were in the same state of confusion. We quickly learned tips we'd never known, like leaving cabinet doors open and opening the yard gates to let pond water flow. The phones beeped with texts and I was grateful for that, remembering how I didn't even know how to text, when "Ike" hit in 2008. Treasures I scolded myself a few times as I carried boxes of memorabilia, photo albums and antique treasures upstairs. In August 2016, I had promised myself I would take a serious look at the collections that fill my house. Why hadn't I scanned all those old photos, like I said I would? This time last year, I had just begun chemo treatments and often pondered the obvious question. "What is really important?" I was more anchored to home then, with so much time to stare at the "stuff" surrounding me. I did spend some time in the late summer and fall, sorting, deciding, donating and discarding. Now it's clear, those efforts hardly made a dent. On Monday, before we locked up, I took one last look and hoped "the stuff" would be safe. Surely my grandmother's bears, the Sicilian puppet and the Uncle Sam doll, would be safe upstairs. Downstairs the only thing I really worried about was the old Meyer family table. I was pretty sure if we flooded, our lame attempt to lift the pedestal on bricks would not keep water from the lion's mouths. I said good-bye to the house. 4 Nights Away... Then Home During our hectic scramble to get out, we changed our evacuation plan 3 times. News of flooded roads stopped our attempts to leave town. We ended up staying in a safe home, thanks to our generous friends. It felt odd that first night, to eat dinner in a nice home, 3 miles from our evacuated neighborhood. I allowed myself to imagine the river rising 59 feet and flooding all our homes. Oddly though, I felt calm. I thought back to those anxious hours of frantic decisions and stair climbing and it suddenly seemed like the biggest stress was over. "If we lose it all, that will be okay." (I may have been fooling myself) But maybe a year ago, I really did learn more about what's important. It seems so cliche, to claim your cancer taught you that. But this past year, I've begun to face the reality that our "treasures" and "keepsakes" can be a burden. I had 4 nights to stew over that, before we returned to our dry home.
We came home yesterday and I spent a fair amount of time planning how I could volunteer this week. Today, I have spent many hours making more decisions as I put things back in order... and box up the things, I now plan to part with. Back From Michigan We returned to Texas humidity after 1 week of blissfully cool weather in Michigan. We headed to long term parking in a crowded shuttle with other weary travelers. I was dreaming of being back in Michigan with beaches, wineries and bikes, when I noticed the woman seated in front of me. Chemo Curls? I didn't take a photo, but I recognized those gray curls, sprouting from that woman's head. Spotting her hair made me think of 2 things. 1- I'm so glad I went ahead and touched up my gray. She looked sad and tired. "Oh please tell me I don't look like that?" 2- I realized I had not thought of cancer in a week! Reminders I really don't go around thinking about cancer much, anymore. But usually there's a cancer commercial or a magazine ad, that forces me to remember. My week away from TV, newspapers and internet had given me a break from those reminders. Even the days spent with my brother and his wife, had been filled with free of cancer talk. I'm finally at a point where not everyone is asking how I feel, or commenting on my hair growth.
I hope that sad looking woman with gray curls, was just tired like me. Maybe those weren't chemo curls at all. And hopefully she was thinking of something nice, like the trip she'd just enjoyed. Wedding Dresses I really don't like clothes shopping. Changing rooms are exhausting and price tags are scary. But this past weekend was different. I sat on a cozy couch, drinking champagne with 2 of my daughter's bridesmaids. Heidi did all the work. Oh, how I wish shopping could always be like this! Less Than a Year Ago I know, I said I would stop looking back all the time. But it's hard to avoid sometimes. Especially, since I have fond memories of last fall, when Heidi and I joined my future daughter-in-law on a dress shopping adventure! On that wonderful day, Heidi and I watched Chali do all the glamorous work. We didn't know then, that Heidi would soon be engaged and both girls would be planning weddings! I remember feeling so happily distracted that day. I still wasn't finished with chemo but I felt energized with the fun. When I look at this photo, I sigh... then laugh. "Hmm, I might need to toss that wig back on, if my hair doesn't show some improvement!" Who knows what my hair will be doing in November or March. I might be the one who needs the veil! The Focus But luckily, the spotlight won't be on me. And this past Saturday, I couldn't have been happier, having the focus on Heidi with her friends. I love my role. What fun to listen to the girls' banter... their comments and humor. I can't stop being grateful for the timing. I'm so glad that it's July 2017... not 2016! Lucky Me! I feel healthy and energized just knowing what's ahead! These 2 beautiful "brides" (and their handsome grooms) are making it hard for me to add to my Not Happy List!
Colorado 2017 We're in Breckenridge, Colorado now and I'm finally feeling normal... not winded and woozy from elevation. But that's the price you pay to see this beautiful world up here! Hiking Again... in Oklahoma This isn't the first time I've hiked, since my cancer surprise a year ago. Last October, Don and I spent a week in Lake Tahoe, during my window between chemo and radiation. I remember what it felt like when I took my first light hike. I had to admit, it wasn't just elevation, then. "I guess I'm not as normal as I thought," I huffed. It bothered me to recognize that chemo was still affecting me, when I thought I was all "healed." Last week, we started our drive west and detoured, for a hike in Oklahoma. Not exactly a challenging elevation, but it was over 8 miles and steep and rocky at times. It felt good to suddenly say, "Now, I'm myself again!" June 18, 2016 & June 18, 2017 This morning, Don and I woke early and hiked on a trail outside of Breckenridge. The trail began with stone steps and we laughed at the rustic stair master. It wasn't a huge climb, but the elevation of over 9,000 got my heart pumping. My legs began to burn and the dry air had me sniffling. It felt wonderful. On this day a year ago, I was in the hospital having a lumpectomy. No complaints today! What's Ahead? No reason to look back and compare, anymore. What's next? I don't know, but I kind of like the whimsical look of the balls (with people inside) floating on Maggie Pond, outside of our hotel. We'll see.
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Not-So-Happy List
Cancer, Covid & Coronary... I started this complaining list/blog, in May 2016. I posted 200 gripes about my breast CANCER and then I was done. On March 13, 2020, I started venting all over again, when another disease (starting with a C) interfered with my life. This time it was the invasion of COVID and it affected every person. I ranted for a year, until I got my COVID vaccine in March 2021. CORONARY Artery Disease was the reason I restarted this blog on September 26, 2021. This time it was my hubby Don, who was dealing with a worry that started with the letter "C". Coronavirus and Cancer, Coronary Artery Disease! All are evil, but none can totally get me down... if I vent! I usually end up feeling a little more positive at the end of each post! Navigating This Mess! The most recent post is at the top, from coronary posts in 2022, back to cancer posts in 2016. To find past posts, look below the "Archives" section, to find "Categories". Archives
January 2022
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