New Hair My hair is barely starting to grow and it's not pretty. Then again, my hair wasn't exactly lovely when it first grew on my baby head. But I was fat and healthy and smiley then. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a very old looking person with sickly fuzz. I wish I had been brave enough to sport my bald head after it was freshly shaved. Because my bald head was beautiful, compared to what's up there now. Mystery Hair But the hair will only get better. The mystery of it all is sort of entertaining... except for the knowledge that my hair will not grow back with highlights, covering the gray. But who knows! So instead of complaining, I decided I should just get my wig trimmed again, since I'll be needing it for a while. I contacted my stylist and made an appointment to take away some poof. I was ready to look a little more like the old me. Even if the wig is prettier than the hair I used to have. Late My stylist was running 30 minutes late. When I finally sat down, her mood made me feel like I was the one who had caused the delay. She asked quickly, "What are we doing here?" She rushed a comb through my synthetic hair, with a strained expression. I reminded her that I was just needing the wig trimmed and thinned. Suddenly my hand shot up to hold down the wig, that was trying to slide off my head. "Do you want me to hold it?" I laughed awkwardly. But she said it didn't matter. When her impatient hands started up with the scissors, things got scarier. I should have shot her a glance like Scott did on his first haircut. But I was a wimp and I nicely made a suggestion. "Maybe I should tighten the wig straps." She kept snipping while she asked why I wore the wig so loose. I explained I'd just come from radiation and I'd rushed to put it back on. She reached under the wig and gave the teeny straps a quick yank and continued her frantic Edward Scissorhands task. Sulking This sulking, messed hair picture of me years ago, reminds me of how I felt sitting in that salon chair. My feelings were hurt and I chose pouting over speaking up. I knew from my first wig trim 3 months ago that I was dealing with a swift and no nonsense stylist. But I still thought she would greet me with some warmth and maybe ask how my treatment was going. She must have read my mind, because she suddenly asked, "So. How's it going?" But her voice what flat. I kept my tone upbeat when I announced, "Well, my hair's trying to grow back!" Her response was, "Hmmm" I watched her in the mirror as she frowned at my head as she worked. I guess I should have just said, "Fine, thanks." My New Look After 10 minutes of tension, I looked in the mirror at the finished product. There wasn't much difference. My poofy Dallas Housewife Look, seemed a little shorter and nerdier. I drove home glum. It wasn't so much the haircut, as it was the insult. I had been treated poorly and I should have told her that. Once home, I took a look in the bathroom mirror and realized the wig was sitting off-center. When I shifted the wig into position, the bangs went lopsided. I tossed the wig on Betty Lou, the wig stand and told her, "You can have it." The way it landed on the Styrofoam head reminded me of past hair dos. Return to Youth This wig hair ain't growing back! That's worse than a regular bad hair cut. But my hair is growing and maybe I'll have a Pixie cut, with choppy little bangs again. If that doesn't work out, I'll just keep wearing scarves... with a little boot distraction!
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Follow Up I had my follow up with my oncologist 4 weeks after my last chemo. There wasn't much to it. He congratulated me and answered a few questions about what's ahead. I had to add a little something to the appointment to give closure. Ms. Donkey I was glad Dr. P was in extra good spirits, or I wouldn't have dared to bother him. He's a busy doctor. So I pulled out the wooden mascot that has accompanied me through surgery and chemo treatments. (They hadn't yet met) He laughed when I handed it to him for a pose. "How do you want me to hold it?" He asked, as if no patient had ever asked him to pose with a wooden donkey. Even though I know Dr. P will continue to be my doctor in future years, it will be a while before I see him again. He has to keep track of a lot of patients, so I figured this crazy donkey moment would help him remember me... even if it causes him to remember me as the nutty patient, with a donkey. Talking Before I brought out the donkey we talked serious stuff, like about the Letrozole meds I'll take for 5 years, to lower risk of cancer recurrence. "Why not Tamoxifen?" I asked. At first I was confused by his tactful answer. "Oh!" I suddenly realized. "It's because I'm old and Tamoxifen is for younger patients!" I was stating what I finally understood. "Oh, I never said you're old..." My poor doctor was nearly stammering with worry that he'd insulted me. He insisted I was in good health and looked young for my age. I had to assure him I hadn't been bothered, just confused. "But I am old! I'm going to be 60 in April!" I laughed. Our funny conversation lead us right into the donkey intro... which may have made me appear old and senile. More Thoughts Dr. P wanted to know the donkey's name. "Just Ms. Donkey." I laughed, telling him about how this mascot came about... with friends and family telling me to kick cancer's bootie. He reminded me how important family support is... and humor. He also said he was so glad I was done with chemo before the holidays. "When you go through chemo during the holiday, then every holiday you're reminded of that tough time..." I hadn't even thought about that. Thanks for the reminder, Dr. P!
Colors of October October has always been the perfect month. I still think of it as an orange month, with golds and reds thrown in. But in recent years I've learned to appreciate the other color associated with the October. And this year, I really began to understand the impact of that PINK and Breast Cancer Awareness. I've become fond of the bubble gum color that has helped spotlight the very thing that people used to whisper about. The focus has made it easier for people like me to share. And the focus has helped me get better care, with so many new developments in recent years. The Cancer Club I said a couple months ago that I didn't want to be a part of this exclusive club. I knew that friendships were made and relationships were often strengthened by facing a cancer challenge. But I didn't want to be a part of some team of fighters all banded together. Well, I've learned to enjoy the camaraderie where it's found. And I've learned to accept the support and the fun surprises that have been offered. Surprises in Pink Sometimes surprises come from people you don't know. This pretty little pink necklace was purchased through "eSBe Designs" from someone I've never met. My friend brought it to me the day I started radiation. It was a treat to receive this thoughtful surprise, but it was extra nice knowing the gift involved a donation to Breast Cancer research and awareness. Loving Pink Now I've begun to see this color in a new way. These cozy pink leggings are also from a "Cancer Kicking" promo. When I put them on I don't feel much like kicking, though. I mostly feel pampered and spoiled! There's something heavenly about the texture and color that makes me feel like I should sit around all day eating ice cream. I love them. A Good Month to End Chemo So it was a good month to finish up chemo. It seemed like everywhere I turned people were wearing pink or handing out pink candies or ribbons. That works for me, but I did quietly fret off and on, thinking about the men who suffer from breast cancer... more quietly. And I worried about all the other cancers that don't get the spotlight in the same way. I'm determined to think of all cancer patients and survivors when I see that color, now. This time next year, I'm going to be the one giving, not taking. Last Day of Pink Month On the last day of the month, I hurried home from radiation to get ready for trick-or-treaters. Before kids started arriving, I got an unexpected visit Steve and Cindy. I was busy enjoying a little pup therapy with Melody, when I noticed Steve, pulling out something from behind his hat! I ended the pink month, wearing orange and holding onto my very own brown & gold guardian angel. Steve carved this special gift from cedar and coated it with shellac and linseed oil. The delivery on October 31, seemed to bring perfect closure to a special month. Of course, I may be in danger of wearing away the metallic gold flakes... I've spent 2 days studying this little treasure with my hands. Kicks and Prayers! So I started this whole journey with my mascot, Ms. Donkey. She helped me kick bootie, throughout my surgery and chemo. I've got a ways to go with 6 more weeks of radiation and 5 years of Letrozole meds after that. I'm going to need my guardian angel!
It's good the two get along! Good-Bye Halloween Halloween is over and I might never have such good costume opportunities, again. There were so many bald men I could have pulled off. And Women Bette Davis and Kristin Wiig have sported some nice high-forehead-looks. I could have some fun with with those characters! But I wasn't invited to any costume parties this year. And besides I had a lot to do on Halloween. Vote and Buy Candy I got slightly in the spirit, looking like a Pumpkin Head, when I early voted at the grocery store. Carving Chores I had to carve the Jack-0-Lantern and get it out on the porch. Then I geared up for my 3rd Radiation. What should I wear? It's Halloween after all. Radiation Fun It was a little frustrating not dressing up. After all, Don and I dressed up for chemo days. But I knew I was going to be wearing a drab hospital gown, so it was hardly worth the effort. I did wear my pumpkin head scarf, which they made me remove, before my treatment. I opened my eyes and watched the machine's "head" move over me. It was decorated with orange pumpkin lights. Quite festive! Then I thanked my 2 technicians who were dressed in matching tutus and I headed off to the dressing room. Oops! I forgot my scarf! "Hi!" I waved with an embarrassed grin to the man seated next in line, wearing his gown. I reached up with my hand, to see if I had indeed walked into the waiting area with my bald head. All I could do was laugh. We'll all in gowns, after all! Home At home, Don was making chili and the evening was balmy for trick-or-treaters. I was so happy to be feeling good. My cold was gone and my chemo symptoms have pretty much disappeared... except for numb toes. I was ready to answer the door to the kiddos. We only had 9, but that's okay. The chili was good and we caught an old Vincent Price thriller on TV.
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Not-So-Happy List
Cancer, Covid & Coronary... I started this complaining list/blog, in May 2016. I posted 200 gripes about my breast CANCER and then I was done. On March 13, 2020, I started venting all over again, when another disease (starting with a C) interfered with my life. This time it was the invasion of COVID and it affected every person. I ranted for a year, until I got my COVID vaccine in March 2021. CORONARY Artery Disease was the reason I restarted this blog on September 26, 2021. This time it was my hubby Don, who was dealing with a worry that started with the letter "C". Coronavirus and Cancer, Coronary Artery Disease! All are evil, but none can totally get me down... if I vent! I usually end up feeling a little more positive at the end of each post! Navigating This Mess! The most recent post is at the top, from coronary posts in 2022, back to cancer posts in 2016. To find past posts, look below the "Archives" section, to find "Categories". Archives
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