#183 - Don't Like Blog Misuse
What's this blog for?
This griping blog is supposed to relate to cancer. I'll misuse it today.
For nearly 1.5 years I have aired frustrations to keep myself sane. These past 4 days have been about Scott and Chali's wedding, not cancer... but I realize now, how lost I feel when things are happening around me and I'm not able to document. I'll abuse my blog... and make it a journal today.
I'm going to share a few thoughts and photos, starting with this photo of me prepping for rehearsal dinner. I'm not faking the glee. I was pretty giddy about the festivities ahead.
The day was full... in the best way.
Before we even got to the afternoon rehearsal, there were nail salon and Thai lunch gatherings, with both families.
From Rehearsal to Dinner
The post rehearsal part of the day was the best.
Don and I rushed from the rehearsal to Salt Lick BBQ to set up the drinks and flowers for the dinner.
Toasts & Speeches
The iconic Texas joint was festive and Don's speech was smooth and thoughtful. I know mine was rushed and I left out parts.
I no longer have the "chemo brain" excuse. But years later, my sloppy parts will be forgotten and I'll be glad I spoke and shared.
I was glad I had been aksed to join Chali with her mom and bridal party for a little make up and hair help in the morning. Months before, when I struggled with my hair, I was relieved to know I could have professional help on wedding day.
However, time started running out and I forfeited my turn with the hair specialist. That sounds like a gracious sacrifice, but honestly I looked at my towel dried hair and noticed my curls were on their best behavior. How crazy and lucky that I could go to my son's wedding without even messing with my hair at all. For the first time ever, I felt lucky to have chemo curls.
By the time the bride and groom said their vows, the sun was casting a magical glow. Don and I shared Kleenex while watching, listening and sniffling. I know Scott and Cha so well, so how could they stun me so? The first the sight of them, put a lump in my throat and then their thoughtful vows did me in. Seeing their tears just about put me over the edge, until a gentle breeze played with Chali's veil and made me smile and laugh.
The newlywed's first dance was delightful and upbeat, ending with a playful/dramatic dip/kiss. Chali looked graceful as she danced with her father to Harry Belfonte's, Turn Around. It was a perfect father/daughter choice... a song with which I already had strong sentimental ties. Scott and I danced to Si Tu Vois Ma Mere and I chuckled, when I fumbled a step. Why didn't I take a moment to be more serious during that special son & mom dance. It was the only moment all day that I'd had with that crazy boy of mine. Why didn't I use it to tell him how proud I was of him. Suddenly the wedding was over and they were on their way. I had missed my chance.
The wedding was more beautiful and touching than I ever could have hoped for and yet I felt a bit of melancholy for the next 2 days.
Some sad family news came the morning after the wedding and that was the biggest part of it. But even without that news, I recognized those feelings and I think they would have been there regardless.
I remember similar emotions after my own wedding 38 years ago. It had all flown by so fast and suddenly Don and I were on a plane and I was fretting that I hadn't hugged or thanked or shared enough with others.
Luckily I didn't wallow and ruin our honeymoon. But when we returned from our trip a few days later, I wrote in my journal and felt a sense of closure. I guess I will always just need to document.
Oddly, just as I was finishing up this post I noticed a message on my cell. It was the imaging center calling about a refund for an overpayment in May of 2016. That was the day I went in for my biopsy.
So even though this blog post was hardly related to my cancer, the phone call was an important reminder. I am so incredibly grateful to be here today. A year and a half ago, Scott and Chali were newly engaged and my sudden diagnosis gave me no hints of where I was headed. I am borrowing this beautiful photo from youaremytrue photographers to remind me of just how very lucky I am!
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I started this complaining list/blog, in May 2016. I posted 200 gripes about my breast CANCER and then I was done.
On March 13, 2020, I started venting all over again, when another disease (starting with a C) interfered with my life. This time it was the invasion of COVID and it affected every person. I ranted for a year, until I got my COVID vaccine in March 2021.
CORONARY Artery Disease was the reason I restarted this blog on September 26, 2021. This time it was my hubby Don, who was dealing with a worry that started with the letter "C".
Coronavirus and Cancer, Coronary Artery Disease! All are evil, but none can totally get me down... if I vent! I usually end up feeling a little more positive at the end of each post!
Navigating This Mess!
The most recent post is at the top, from coronary posts in 2022, back to cancer posts in 2016.
To find past posts, look below the "Archives" section, to find "Categories".