Lunch in Tombstone, AZ

​Saloon Options in Tombstone

I'm embarrassed to even say I went to Tombstone, but we did in the spring of 2014.

It was early, so the there were more people dressed like this, than tourists with their newly purchased cowboy hats.

 
​Which Saloon for Lunch?

I liked the name Crystal Palace, so I told Don we should go there.

​All Men?
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There seemed to be only men at the Palace. (That is a man with the long blond hair) And most of them had their heads bowed down at the bar.  

I don't think they were praying. I don't even think they were texting.  I'll tell you later what I think they were doing.

​A Manly Kind of Place
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​Maybe it was the macho moose..elk head or whatever that was, that attracted the men.  Or the tall ceiling with bullet holes? That's attractive to men, especially tall ones, who can spot those holes in the tin, while they chuckle about their own gun mishaps.

Of course the gal at the door wearing the black & red, Frederick's of Hollywood get-up, couldn't have had anything to do with the number of men in the place.

​Beer or Lunch?
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It was early, but we were hungry and there were indeed people ordering food.  "Maybe we should just sit at the old bar, for the real experience."

 I told Don.  "We can have a beer and decide if we want to go all out and have lunch."  You can be like that when you're on vacation.

​People Watching
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So we sat near the end of the bar where there was some good people watching. Maybe not as fun as this old image of the bar, but we did watch an incredibly old man in a cowboy hat leave his stool.  

At first I thought he was doing a slow-motion, soft shoe dance to amuse the costumed hostess.  But then I realized his arms were held out for balance and his slow, toe to heel, sideways shuffle across the worn wood floor was just the way he moved...until he grabbed hold of the railing.  

​Where to Look?
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Our barmaid wandered down to take our order and it was all I could do to keep from busting out in giggles. Her body, squished into her little outfit was like a cartoon drawing. 

 

When she returned and leaned in with the beers,  it was as if she also was offering a plate with 2 mounds of jello hors d'oeuvres. I'm not kidding.  It was weird.  Again, I wanted to laugh, but her icy expression seemed to be saying, "Don't even look at them!" So I stared forward at the bar mirror, which reflected a raunchy old-style painting from the opposite wall. And then a quick glance at the fine calendar tacked to the wood and I realized, we were being served by Miss April!

​Looking Down
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So all those men gazing downward, were either so incredibly intimidated by Miss April's eye-rolling attitude or they were all texting photos of her to their friends.

That better not be what Don was doing!  I wish I'd had the guts to get a closer picture of her because I truly wanted to study how she fit into that corset thing!

​Conversing with Miss April
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I started to feel sorry for Miss April. Probably no women will ever talk to her. And men are probably either rude to her or too intimidated to speak. So I struck up a conversation.  I stupidly asked about the history of the saloon. 

She answered in monotone and pointed to bullet holes above.  I should have just gone ahead and asked her the question I really wanted an answer for.  "That contraption, that is lifting your boobs up in such a comical way... does that thing make you feel like you're in a middle-aged nightmare and trapped forever in a Mammogram machine?"  She would have probably sighed, "Mammo-what, Honey?" 

​Big Nose Kate's
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We finished our beers and moved on.

The tough guys in black, at the entrance to Big Nose Kate's Saloon, seemed much less intimidating.

A Nice Change​
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It was all noisy, crowded and sort of silly in the spacious saloon. But we had a great time, seated up on a raised area where we could enjoy more people watching! 

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The vibe was touristy, but totally comfortable at this saloon! 

​A Friendlier Place
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I was feeling mighty content and relaxed as we shared a Rueben sandwich and some chili. Some man from a nearby table stopped by our table to comment about my pleasant smile. ​

I'm past flirting years and he was mannerly and not drunk... which made the comment all the more confusing. Was I radiating some kind of grinning relief because I was far, far away from Miss April?

​Oh Those Silly Tourists
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​There were a lot of middle aged tourists having a grand old time, posing behind the bar or even on top of the old player piano. 

Such silliness!  Then I reminded myself of all the goof ball things I do with posing and cameras.  I guess I won't make fun. 

​"Locals"
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So as we listened to the live music and counted all the cowboy hats and chuckled over a few tourist babies nearby, we also took in a few of the "locals" dressed in sheriff and outlaw attire.

 Don and I had such a short visit to Tombstone, we never quite grasped what the place was about.  It's not like we paid a fee to come into an "Old West" theme park with paid actors. How does all this work?
We'll have to figure it out next time!
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